Thoughts on Turkey 2/4 : A Match Made in Heaven?
Have you ever been to a party where it felt like you were the only person there who didn’t know everybody else? Well that’s what our hotel in Çeşme felt like. Even though it was a cheap-ass package holiday through Thomas Cook, we somehow managed to turn up at a 75% empty hotel, the occupants of which seemed to be (a) a minimum of 60 and, (b) twenty year veterans of the same hotel.
A potentially awkward situation was saved by the fact that the whole purpose of the holiday was for Ellie and I to spend time together, and also that the geriatric guests had long memories and interesting stories. Ever a fan of spurious gossip, I was delighted to hear a mildly disturbing tale, and even more delighted to recount it to you, gentle reader:
Two of the other guests at our hotel were a weather-beaten elderly couple, both sporting tatoos of the Turkish flag on their bicep. As if that wasn’t weird enough, their 19-year old daughter was accompanying them on holiday. Agreed, that wasn’t weird in itself - what was odd is that the 19-year old daughter in question was visiting her husband of 18-months, who worked at the hotel.
Turkish waiters enjoy an unfortunate reputation but, in this instance, it appeared to be entirely justified. We were told, delightedly, that the waiter in question could barely speak a word of English.
To my mind, the following questions are raised:
- If this was the case, how did he propose (I’m imagining down on one knee and leaving the rest to Charades)?
- What was in it for the waiter? He, I’m reliably infomed, wasn’t a bad looking chap. His wife, to put it kindly, had a face like a barrel-full of Ugly Beans.
- Why were the parents seemingly so delighted about it all? They seemed happy enough to take the daughter on regular holidays, drink most nights with the Hotel boss and have the Turkish flag permanently inked onto their bodies. Surely the fruit of your loins marrying a much older, greasier and non-English speaking husband would be a cause for wailing and gnashing of teeth, not ruddy-faced hilarity?
There’s something very fishy about the whole business and it irks me considerably that I’m never going to find out what…
June 29th, 2006 at 10:41 am
Ah Phil, thats where you needed me on the holiday with you. Faster than you could say “light the touchpaper” I’d have shown up with several bottles of bourbon, got every one of them wasted, told some ridiculous tales of my own bizarre marriage experiences and then got them to dish the full story on theirs. I guarantee success or your money back.
June 30th, 2006 at 4:58 am
Dammit you’re right. Your Jedi influence is slipping - two years ago I’d have had that story out of them quicker than you could say “marry me for an English visa”. Probably whilst sporting blond hair, flourescent pink fishnet tights and singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to a pub-full of Germans…