Internet Dating : Both Big and Clever
A long running debate between my girlfriend, Ellie, and I is whether Internet Dating is cool or not. I maintain it is, she disagrees completely. My argument runs thus:
Lots of people in the world are too either too busy to meet somebody or else, lack the self-confidence to talk to strangers or friends of friends. (Surely we all know somebody who ‘is such a lovely person, s/he’d make someone a lovely boy/girlfriend if only they had a bit more self-confidence’). Seriously, how would you meet people when you work all day and don’t go in for the bar or club scene?
And yet, there is this remarkable ‘Internet’ thing, which allows billions of disparate people to connect and communicate with each other in complete safety in their own homes. But this still seems to be considered taboo and somehow weird by the public at large.
Admittedly, you have to be careful with who you meet off the Internet. Exchange emails for months, send pictures, talk on the phone, build-up trust. Eventually you meet up in a public place one evening after work. If it goes well, great. If not, you’ve lost nothing. And why would a random pull in a pub or some person you’ve met through a friend be any less likely to be a weirdo than an Internet date?
Gone are the days where the Internet was the preserve of sweaty-palmed teens in darkened rooms. We bank online, book holidays, keep in touch, read news, weather and sport, gamble, shop, job-hunt online… why not look for love?
And at least some people agree with me. In 2002, Wired Magazine forecast:
Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love without looking for it online will be silly, akin to skipping the card catalog to instead wander the stacks because ‘the right books are found only by accident.’ …serendipity is the hallmark of inefficient markets, and the marketplace of love, like it or not, is becoming more efficient
Ellie, meanwhile, has different ideas:
Internet Dating attracts those socially inept people who can’t go out and meet people normally. Encouraging these people to stay at home is not helping their social skills. They need actual human contact.
Without meeting a person face to face, they could tell you anything about their age, appearence, marital status, criminal tendencies etc. I’m sure everyone uses a little artistic license, even when meeting face-to-face, but over the internet there is the temptation to completely lie and create the person that you would like to be (or you think they would like you to be).
Only when you finally meet will the horrible truth come out that your 20-something model, with 3 degrees and a highly paid yet conscientious job is actually a fat, balding 50-year-old psycho with a criminal record, married with 5 kids and on benefits.
Mistakes can be (and have been) made meeting people face-to-face, but at least you can get some kind of idea from their facial expressions and body language. Basically, my point is that you really can’t trust what people tell you. I’m sure some people are fine, but the internet is also a haven for those preying on the desperate and vulnerable.
Thoughts? Comments? Who’s right in this long-running battle of Internet ideologies?
July 10th, 2006 at 11:30 am
My current flatmate has met and chatted to quite a few girls online. I can also confirm he is by no means socially inept or short of female compaionship. He just uses it as another way of meeting people other than his sole method. i must admit this really has changed my mind on internet dating as I too thought initially that it was the preserve of the desperate divorcee and the slack jawed trucker. However times change and internet dating is just another sign of this.
Also if you doubt that the person is telling the truth the invention of the webcam takes away from that.