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Scientology has been in the news a lot recently, the example which springs most readily to mind being BBC reporter John Sweeny’s report for Panorana. This incredible expose, where he was spied on, intimidated, bullied, besmirched and finally provoked into totally losing his rag whilst creating a documentary on the darker side of the faux religion, became an Internet phenomenon after the Scientologist’s skewed perspective of events was posted on Youtube.com.

This, of course, bought back memories of my own decidely odd experience whilst living in Sydney when Simon, Keef, JSP and I found ourselves invited to L.Ron Hubbard’s birthday celebrations, with several hundred Scientologists in full evening dress. One thing that stuck in my mind from that bizarre evening was the overwhelming excitement generated from the announcement that one Floridian chapter had grown ‘as big as old Saint Hill’.

From Simon’s excellent account of the evening:

St. Hill, was a mansion once belonging to the Mahorajah of Jaipur. LRH bought it from him and converted it into the “Worldwide Headquarters for Scientology”. Old St Hill, as it was dubbed, became the big church to which the others aspired.

Churches tried to become as big as “Old St. Hill” for which they received a large trophy in the shape of, you guessed it, “Old St. Hill”.

At this point our will to live was flagging. Surounded by high tech dvd extravaganza and men smelling of coconut oil dressed in dark suits, we whispered a plan to leave, and more importantly, seek out food and alcohol to aid our recovery from the oddity of the evening.

And so it was, under cover of a huge standing ovation from the crowd, triggered by a winner of the “Old St. Hill” trophy raising a toast to “Our great leader LRH”, we bolted from our seats, along the aisle and out into the night.

So long was the standing ovation, that we made the front doors before they sat down. The entourage of doormen had started to prepare themselves with sign out cards ready for whatmust soon have been the official ending to the night.

We however caught them by suprise and bolted past them mainly unchallenged, as they called a hurried “We hope you learned something!”

It was only during my research for this article that I learned the reason for their excitement. From Wikipedia:

(L.Ron) Hubbard declared Saint Hill to be the “org” (church) by which all other orgs would be measured, and he issued a general order (still followed by the Church today) for all orgs around the world to expand and reach “Saint Hill size.” The Church of Scientology has announced that two further levels of Scientology teaching, OT 9 and OT 10, will be released and made available to church members when all the major orgs in the world have reached Saint Hill size (”size” referring to the number of people working in a particular church). 

Everything about the experience was askew and twisted. Wherever we went we were shadowed by minders, painfully polite and accomodating, yet seemingly coiled up like springs ready for action. Despite the utter lunacy of Scientologist doctrine such as the ‘Gung-Ho Division’ (part of the ‘Success Department’), Tech and Thetans the single minded, humourless sincerity of the gathering was somehow deeply unsettling. I was happy to leave and, looking back, fully appreciative of the efficiency with which Scientologist agents got so thoroughly beneath John Sweeny’s skin.

What is the relevance of all this Scientological chat, you may be wondering? Well, on Sunday, whilst wandering through Croydon town centre, we came face-to-face with a large stage populated by ageing men in Hawaiian shirts and sunglasses, playing lively swing music to a healthy crowd. People were wandering round handing out flyers, one of which I grabbed:

Of course, the venue was the first thing that leapt off the page. What were the chances of this being the same Saint Hill Manor, lauded by that room full of immaculately groomed whackos on the other side of the planet? 

My suspicions were confirmed by a small endorsement on the side of the band’s gaudy banner - ‘Supported by the Church of Scientology‘. Further investigation on the band’s website revealed the expected. The band are raving Scientologists, their ‘Summertime Swing’, no doubt, a recruitment drive.

So, here’s a thought. East Grinstead, and therefore Old Saint Hill, is ten minutes on the train from East Croydon Station. The grounds of the mansion, the hub and spiritual home of Scientology, are being opened to the public. It’d be akin to Aleister Crowley walking into the Church of the Nativity. Who’s up for an expedition July 1st?

This entry was posted on Monday, May 21st, 2007 at 12:05 pm and is filed under Randomness, Stuff What Angers the Blood, Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.