TheBoySaunders.com

Well it’s done.

Barely two months after first viewing our new house, we finally moved in over the weekend of 5th/6th October 2007. After the world’s easiest transaction, the moving-in process didn’t exactly go smoothly, but, apparently, these things never do.

Here’s a list of some of the things that went wrong in the first week or so:

• The toilet wouldn’t flush, and stayed that way until my Dad could come and fix it, a week later. The resolution involved laboriously sawing through four large steel screws. The only way to reach said screws was to kneel down, embracing the toilet for many hours at a time, working away in the confined space with a small hacksaw.
• The bedroom window wouldn’t close. Not ideal when you live next to a busy railway station and suffer from occasional insomnia. Resolved (very quickly, as you can imagine) by buying a new fastening to hold the window shut.
• The vendor’s definition of a clean house is somewhat at odds with my own. In fact, she left the property in a state that could accurately be described as ‘a complete sh*thole’.
• Also, let’s just say that when you buy cookers, washing wachines, tumble driers etc. online… they don’t tell you that they have to be hard-wired in. Resolution - a week of salad and takeaways, until my Dad could work his magic.
• A massive patch of damp (and later, even more massive hole in roof, inexpertly plugged) discovered at the top of the stairs. Interestingly, the nice gentleman from Complete Preservation Services Cowboys who surveyed the roof and damp patches completely missed both of these, despite being specifically requested to examine these areas. Needless to say, his oversight is costing us £600. Equally needless to say, as the vendor was paying for these essential repairs, Complete Preservation Services will be receiving a nice letter from our lawyers (read: Ellie’s Dad) throwing around legal phrases like ‘duty of care’ and gently suggesting that they can pay the extra money or else we’ll see them in court.
• Attempted to change a lightbulb in the kitchen, only for the entire light fitting to crash down, nearly onto my head.
• Most fun of all… if you ever want to get a quote for double glazing (which is kinda important when you live next to a railway) do not, under any circumstances approach Zenith Windows. Despite the fact that we hadn’t eaten (and kept telling him this) and there was boxes everywhere, their damn representative arrived at 7pm and refused to leave until after 10. In his time at our house he tried every retarded hard-sell tactic that would have graced a late-1980’s episode of Watchdog - a faux ‘Show Home’ promotion, take-it-or-leave-it one day only offers, ringing his boss to try and negotiate an extra-special-just-for-us discount… By the end of the meeting we were literally shouting at each other and went away feeling like we had been in a mighty battle. Zenith Windows is the absolute definition of a crappy company, and I don’t feel bad about wishing nothing less than immediate bankruptcy and destitution on the whole stinking lot of them.

Reading back through this catalogue of misery (and I’m sure there’s a few things that I’ve missed) you’d be forgiven for thinking that the entire experience has been an unparalleled disaster. And it was, in all fairness, a pretty crappy first week. However, we had seen the house a few times and knew it wasn’t in the best of states. Let’s just say that the vendor had lived in the property for twenty years and neither DIY, decoration, nor essential property maintenance appeared to be a particular talent of hers. To say the least.

However… give us six months and the place will look awesome.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007 at 4:50 am and is filed under Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.