TheBoySaunders.com

I awoke to find myself in the titular fiendish trap. Tigers all around, staked into the earth, the leashes just too short to reach me. Their snapping jaws were straining, tongues lolling out of their mouths, as every sinew in their massive bodies ached to make a meal of my supple, beautiful flesh.

I had always planned to die in a snorkelling accident. This was an unexpected, and unwelcome, development.

Springing into action, I decided, was the best way forward. Get the adrenaline pumping and act on instinct. The tigers were looking weary in the midday sun and I wondered how long I had been asleep whilst they drove themselves into a frenzy trying to reach me. To add to my woes, the tip of my nose was sunburned.

Now was the time, no point in thinking too long. One shot, or a tasty meal for a tiger. I exploded into the air from my previously seated position, somersaulted twice and landed on the back of one of the beasts. It seemed shocked, but, even so, it twisted it’s neck to snap it’s jaws at me. I felt it lurch triumphantly under my feet and realised, belatedly, that I had delayed too long.

Even as I was leaping away, I saw the flash of scarlet from where the tiger’s teeth had sunk into my arm, more a stump now. I could still see two of my fingers protuding from it’s mouth, twitching, waving goodbye.

No time for pain. I shimmied to the left and two of the massive felines, unable to alter their trajectories in time, crashed into each other. Dodged to the right and missed another by a literal whisker. The next few seconds passed in slow motion before suddenly, miraculously, I was free and running, with a whoop on my lips and a song in my heart!

Arriving safely home, I reflected on my busy day. Making a cup of tea was harder with only one arm, but, on the plus-side, my house was tiger-free and Bargain Hunt was on the telly.