TheBoySaunders.com

Like everyone else, I sat and watched the looting and pillaging of Croydon, alternating between Sky News, BBC News and Twitter. People were scared, there’s no doubt about it; we were even sent home from work early the next day after baseless rumours spread of more trouble brewing. In fairness, I would have had no idea that anything out of the ordinary was even going on if I hadn’t been watching the rolling coverage – the devastation was ½ a mile from my house, but the only evidence was a strong smell of burning that somehow managed to penetrate the double-glazing and lingered well into the next day. Twitter was very useful, actually. It took me a while to really appreciate, but in the last few months I’ve become a convert. Of course, there was a lot of hyperbole and mass hysteria, fake rumours and people getting upset because #croyden was trending, but sorting the wheat from the chaff was a worthwhile endeavour.

So what happened? Basically a bunch of kids, either unemployed or bored because their schools or colleges were shut for the summer, worked out that if enough of them converged on Footlocker they could get ugly trainers without paying. A lot of posturing text messages were sent about avoiding ‘the feds’ (possible a political statement about the federalisation of the EU, or maybe, a mildly embarrasing affectation of American gang culture). It wasn’t a rising up against the man, not a commentary upon an increasingly divisive and exclusive class system or the increasing liberties taken by the Met and the PCC’s whitewashing of said liberties. It was just a load of children who worked out how to elude, distract and intimidate the police long enough to get shit for free.

So what have we learned? Hysteria is alive and well in a country where the stiff upper-lip breathed its last and departed with a merry, stinking fart in August ‘97. Uncle Ken could have won next year’s election here and now but screwed it up by misreading the public’s lust for revenge. Ed Milliband is still a buffoon, but his voice is significantly less nasal since the operation. Boris likes brooms and manages to be quite likeable despite being evil incarnate. David Cameron won’t be encouraging anyone to ’hug a hoodie’ again anytime soon. Apocalyptic coverage of every little thing that happens (Swine Flu, Raul Moat e.g.) is going to rip the news networks of any credibility eventually. And schadenfreude is alive and well, as amidst all the hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth, the whole world was waiting with sweaty palms and bated breath for the next atrocity to become outraged about.