Billywitch FAQ
Monday, June 9th, 2008Ever since the enduring success of this post, several months back, it has become increasingly obvious that the public have no interest in my musings on tigers, Jack the Ripper, wrestling, junk mail or Warcraft. No, the public want Billywitches and nothing else. And who am I to deny them?
As such, this site has been re-launched and will now focus on Billywitches and Billywitches alone. There will be Billywitch pictures, Billywitch studies and even some raunchy Billywitch fan fiction. Indeed, with your help, I intend to turn BillywitchFanciers.com into the premier Billywitch resource for not just the UK-wide web, not just the Europe-wide web but the entire World Wide Web of information!
As such, and without further ado… let the FAQ commence!
Q) What is a Billywitch?
A) ‘Billywitch’ is a term used indiscriminately in Essex and Suffolk for flying stag beetles, Common (or May) Chafers, Summer (or June) Chafers and the Rose Chafer. Maybugs and Cockchafers, suggested as candidates by some contributors to this site, are alternative names for the Common Chafer or Melolontha melolontha.
Q) Where do Billywitches live?
A) Billywitches can be found throughout Europe, although due to their sensitivity to pesticides their numbers had been in steady decline. However, this trend has seemed to reverse in recent years - it has been speculated that this is due to climate change and an increase in the availability of the warm, dry soil that the insects thrive in. Contrary to assertions previously made on this website, their habitat is not focused solely on a single tree in Ipswich.
Q) What effect have Billywitches had on Culture and History throughout the years?
A) A profound one. There is some evidence that Billywitches were worshipped as Gods throughout pre-historic Britain, and the following traditional German song dates back to the Thirty Years War:
Cockchafer fly…
Your Father is at war
Your Mother is in Pomerania
Pomerania is all aflame
Cockchafer fly!
From this, we can see that Billywitches were renowned as harbingers of war, as well as being sneaky arsonists.
Q) Could I eat a Billywitch?
A) Yes! Billywitches have a strong but fragrant taste, and are best enjoyed on a warm summer’s day with a glass of dandelion and burdock.
Q) Would a Billywitch make a good pet?
A) With a life cycle of only 5-7 weeks, Billywitches are recommended by the British Society of Household Pets as an ideal first pet for children under the age of ten. They also provide an excellent opportunity to teach your young ones about coping with loss, and the fragility of life.
Q) I have heard that Billywitches are prone to flying into your hair and getting stuck! Is this true?
A) This is, by far, the most popular Billywitch question I have encountered and the answer is: Yes… and no.
Although Billywitches are known for their love of well looked after bouffants, there are no verifiable historical records of them actually becoming stuck in a person’s hair. The enduring popularity of this urban myth, however, has led to extensive research by the eminent Suffolk scientist and Billywitch afficionado Professor Henrik van Kamp. His research paper ‘Melolontha melolontha: A Study of their Lives and Loves’, labelled a ‘twenty year labour of love’ by insiders, has been causing great excitement within the Billywitch community. Indeed, rumours suggest that Professor van Kamp actually spent an entire year with his head shoved up amidst the branches of the famous Billywitch tree on Rushmere Heath in order to definitively provide an answer to this, the most enduring of Billywitch mysteries. With a speculative release date of March 2009, the Professor’s paper could well be the Holy Grail of Billywitch research.
Q) When swatting Billywitches out of the air with big-ass sticks, why do they make such a satisfying ‘thwack’ noise?
A) I don’t know. But it makes me feel alive.
If anybody has any further questions about Billywitches that they feel this FAQ does not address, please do not hesitate to contact me via the usual methods!